Sunday, 27 November 2016

thoughts during chaos


Photographs. My teenage insecurities, printed on glossy paper, worn from years of being blu tacked to the walls or hidden beneath old christmas cards in boxes under my bed. A constant reminder of a time my days weren't plagued with the responsibility of university applications or the pressure of coursework deadlines. My bedroom walls lined with images of innocence as I sit between them and contemplate whether I'm actually ready to leave home in less than a year... the answer seems to be no. I have spent a lot of time feeling as though my childhood is not complete, as if I'm still waiting for something to happen. Yet, the more I consider this, the more I realise that as I wait for something amazing, I ignore the turbulence, sadness, joy and weirdness that have made my teenage years so memorable and great. 

It seems that I, along with everybody else, have been on a life long search for something extraordinary, never found gazing at flecks of paint in the louvre or standing before the ocean with my feet in the dirt. Thousands of postcards and dull holiday snapshots and yet of all the seven wonders in the world I am yet to find one comparable to the sunlight hitting the kitchen tiles of my grandparents house. Sometimes the most incredible thing you witness isn't heralded as a landmark, but is just something you pass on a car journey.

I've mentioned this before on the blog, but I'm constantly finding that it is the unexpected moments I am truly happy in. Never have I looked back on my year 8 school trip to Paris with nostalgia at how ecstatic I was in Disneyland, but occasionally I think of how fucking hilarious it was to sit in a shitty bunk bed with my friends. I wouldn't care to re-visit prom, but if I could I would exist once again in a year nine english lesson, complete with braces and all the general awkwardness I felt at the age of fourteen. Maybe my sixteenth birthday was boring, but a random tuesday afternoon at college could be one of the happiest moments of my existence (unlikely tho..). 

Sometimes beauty is artificial. Although the ocean and the moon and mountains are deserving of their breathtaking abilities, I cannot deny the pure happiness of seeing the crumbling bricks that frame my home town, or the peace within the clothes scattered on my bedroom floor. Perhaps my new found adoration of my surroundings has been triggered by the sudden realisation that soon I will have to leave it all behind, when truthfully I do not feel ready at all. 

So, if you can't tell, the past few weeks have been stressful. However, I feel as though I'm handling it better than expected... despite the neglect of this blog again, but I think right now I have real excuses.

This playlist is perhaps my most unexpected yet... I never anticipated that Adele would feature on my blog but here she is! Lately I've found comfort in a wider range of music, resulting in these ten songs which perhaps wouldn't fit together anywhere else. I've also found myself listening to My Chemical Romance again, for the first time since I was like twelve or thirteen and an obsessive... it feels good. (also been playing We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off - Jermaine Stewart on repeat.... but didn't think it would fit). OHHHHH and I'm not a Lumineers fan, but this music video is beautiful.

Saturday, 15 October 2016

songs for the way home

Last week's playlist was designed to lift your mood during your commute to work/college/wherever you go in the morning, so it only seemed appropriate for this one to be dedicated to your journey home. Specifically, if you've had a particularly difficult day and find yourself collapsing on the bus, with only enough energy to press play and lose yourself in the music.

'Lisbon' by Wolf Alice is one of those songs that had an instant, almost magical, connection directly to my brain. It's easy to fall in love with a song, but occasionally a combination of chords or a specific lyric just instantly grab your attention, and Wolf Alice seem to be masters of this.. or at least for me. EVERYTHING about this song I love, it's possibly my favourite from the album. Sooo perfect for those angsty teen days where you "feel like going out and smashing windows"..... amazing. Also, I know I already raved about both Wolf Alice and Modern Baseball, but they're SO GOOD so I had to include 'Your Graduation'. Honestly the kind of songs I need during my final years of being a teenager (or months if being eighteen technically makes you an adult?!?!? help).

You've probably already head "Alaska" by Maggie Rogers by now, but if not, allow me to introduce you. This video is the main reason her music suddenly gained so much attention, but she is endlessly deserving of it all. I could honestly write about this song all day but the best way for you to understand is for you to LISTEN!!!! 

Michael Jackson has featured in every playlist so far on the blog, and will probably find a place in all future playlists. I can't help it, I love MJ. It is undeniable that he was an incredibly talented artist who successfully mastered his craft, meaning that his songs deserve a place on my spotify account. A day does not pass without a little bit of Michael Jackson, making it impossible for me to narrow down only one song a week.... but Dirty Diana is a classic. (It was between that and Stranger in Moscow).

Oh and I'm not going to write about The End Of All Things because I already have an entire post about it!

This week will be my last week of term which is a relief but also incredibly stressful as it means first draft deadlines for coursework. Hopefully during my week of freedom I'll be able to find time to write multiple blog posts. There's so much I want to write about lately! My aims are to FINALLY fill the photo frames which have been empty for the past three years in my bedroom and to make these cinnamon rolls. I am also banning myself from updating this blog until the first 1000 words of my history coursework have been completed so.............. see you then.

Friday, 14 October 2016

the club kids

I don't quite remember how my fascination with the Club Kids began, but I vaguely recall a 4am epiphany in my hazy, high on exhaustion and caffeine state of mind, as I realised I was obsessed.

Perhaps it's my upbringing in the most normal (i.e boring) place on earth that causes me to be so intrigued by the eccentric youths running around New York City, wearing intense make up typically reserved for film sets or halloween. They make me slightly ashamed of my lazy college attire, and wonder if I should trade my oversized denim jacket for a floor length fur coat.... not today.

Outlandish outfits, the ‘cool kid’ vibe and an endless supply of drugs. The Club Kids ruled New York’s nightlife and fashion scene during the eighties and nineties. While grunge was becoming significantly more popular, these youths favoured glamour and style over dirty band t-shirts and ripped jeans. They craved second glances and shocked murmurs from often disapproving crowds in the supermodel era when fitting in was viewed as cool. The Club Kids were the epitome of eccentric, going about their day to day life in lingerie and a floor length fur coat. Feather boas, jackets covered in sequins, platform heels and clown make up were just part of the uniform as the pack paraded through New York City clubs, completely aware of how in awe everybody else was of them.

The Club Kids were a band of pirates, some chased from their home towns for being too strange, others living off the life savings of successful parents. Yet somehow, they all wound up in the same place at the same time, with the same passion for all things strange.

Imagine the most shocking costume Lady Gaga ever wore to an award show. The Club Kids could make it look like Topshop basics in their most casual attire. The innovators of being famous for being famous, (way before Paris Hilton) they were almost cartoonish and completely unreal, making it impossible to look away. When observing modern day fashion and celebrity culture, it is obvious that this gang out outcasts are to blame for most of it.. so why are they almost forgotten in the fashion industry they so heavily influenced?

Unlike the current trend of rich kids, club kids couldn’t display their costume-like attire on instagram for the world to see. It was something you had to either experience in person or the next day on a faded copy of New York Times. Prior to the internet, word of their antics was spread purely through gossip, creating a sense of mystery surrounding them. Perhaps it is the lack of documentation of the club kid reign that prevents a legacy that is shouted from the rooftops, however it seems to run deeper than that.

Fashion wasn’t the only obsession of this clan, they also worshipped drugs and fell quickly into addiction purely to keep up with the fast paced New York nightlife. While society tends to favour squeaky clean stars who’s reputations remained untarnished, the Club Kids thrived on danger which spiralled out of control dangerously. The friends who once seemed inseparable now being torn apart by drug abuse and the pressures of a constant public spotlight and speculation.


Tragically, a story which begins with bright eyed teenagers trying to make it in New York ends in murder, a prison sentence and adulthood. but where are they now? the fate of the club kids isn’t as romantic as they had possibly hoped for.. although perhaps the lifetime without drama and isolation from normal society is exactly what they planned.. if so they succeeded with prison sentences. Maybe the catastrophic ending was appropriate.. Maybe the most tragic thing that could have happened would be for the glamour and attention of club kid culture, to be traded for nuclear family life. 

The story of the Club Kids is one that begins with light, as a band of misfits find comfort in each other and revel in the attention their wild attire gains them.. yet the end of their era is one that is so tragic and shocking, it overshadows their vibrant past. (I plan to write about this soon).

However, even though their reign has ended, their legacy hasn’t. While nudity, scandal and the shock factor may seem almost boring in modern pop culture, as celebrities compete for tabloid attention, it wasn’t always this way. These young adults figured out how to get your name on peoples lips and since then every celebrity has mimicked it.




Perhaps the love for club kids is due to what the represent: youth, creativity, confidence and carelessness, qualities craved and longed for by so many.

I would love to write more about the club kids, and I'm currently considering a feature on each of the key members, as well as the story of how their reign ended. So..... stay tuned?

(The majority of this post was written as part of my creative writing coursework)
Photo sources: 1234567

summer 2016 (aka the calm before the storm)


Ah.. summer.. those six (plus?? I lost track) weeks of bliss, sandwiched between two years of extreme stress, formally known as A levels. During my, sadly brief, hiatus from college life, I actually did some cool stuff which I have failed to document on the blog... until today.

First of all, I actually witnessed Beyonce perform with my own two eyes. Yes, if you were in Manchester on the 5th of July and rolled your eyes at the thousands of people sitting on the ground outside of the Emirates stadium... just know that I was one of them. On that day I spent a total of nine consecutive hours standing, making me endlessly thankful for my youth and stupidity to put myself through that torture. Fortunately it was completely worth it and I can safely say: Beyonce is not overrated as a live performer.. in fact she may be underrated. Despite the endless hype surrounding her, I feel that it is impossible to truly comprehend how incredible her concerts are. Even videos and photos of the Formation World Tour don't do it justice, the whole thing is a huge experience that feels almost impossible, as if something so insanely amazing could not exist. The next day I returned to work experience aching and exhausted, with the sadness of returning to normality after something incredible happens. 

A week of my summer was spent in the Isle Of Skye, facing the harsh weather of the scottish highlands. Although, I did actually appreciate the serenity of untouched landscapes, and the fact part of my family are from there!!! There's something I really do love about being far away from home with minimal internet access (never thought I'd say that..). After months of stress, it felt amazing to be detached from everything (mainly college), instead spending time with my family. 

I then spent ONE NIGHT at home, before boarding a plane to Porto Santo, a tiny island close to Madeira. Usually I begin to long for the familiarity of home after a week or two on holiday, but this year I was devastated to wave goodbye to the sun and return to Yorkshire. Probably because I knew a day later I would be starting year thirteen, coursework and MY UCAS APPLICATION :( :( :(. For those two weeks, though, I somehow managed to push my endless list of priorities out of my mind, and focus on swimming in the sea, drinking cocktails and dancing around the hotel room with my siblings.

Winter is beginning now and I'm extremely jealous of my past self for being able to walk around in only a bikini, whereas I currently seem to be spending too much time shivering at the bus stop.

I hope you all had a good summer!!! I have some coooool posts planned I can't wait to share.

Sunday, 9 October 2016

life lately and songs for your monday morning commute


Despite my best intentions to update this blog, a combination of university open days, coursework and the dreaded UCAS personal statement have been competing for the title of my number one priority.. meaning once again my blog has been neglected. Days have been spent wandering around university campuses and trying to imagine making the city my new home, which is somehow exciting yet terrifying simultaneously. 

Yesterday I found myself strolling through London, running breathlessly up the endless stairs of Covent Garden tube station and unexpectedly ending up in Chinatown. Strangely it was peaceful to navigate my way through one of the busiest cities in the world, as my dad showed me the route he used to walk to work decades before I was born.

This conversation triggered the inspiration for this weeks playlist. On our daily commutes to work, university, school and college, we are all so oblivious to the fact we're almost in automatic mode. Daily routine is so familiar that it requires no thought, and I find that kind of interesting. One person's idea of normality is so drastically different to anothers that there is truly no normal in the world. Perhaps my fascination with this is due to the fact my personal idea of normality will soon be turned upside down as I begin a new chapter of life in an unfamiliar city without the people I've known for so long.

This playlist is your travel partner for the week, accompanying you through that daily morning traffic. I imagine you running up the train station stairs or down a busy street with Stevie Wonder serenading you, and that makes me happy. All I Do is my favourite song right now, and I'm sure you will love it too (fun fact, Michael Jackson actually provides backing vocals for this song and you can tell by listening that this was pre-thriller, recorded in 1980).


I truly hope you have a peaceful monday and a great week!

Sunday, 25 September 2016

sunday playlist

In an unexpected turn of events, this blog is now officially being resurrected and to celebrate I have decided to create a new 'tradition': weekly playlists. My spotify account has been a reoccurring guest on laura-louisee, mostly as I feel music is one of the most important things on the planet, and the songs I love reflect how I felt at a particular time. In order to truly demonstrate this, I want to have some kind of structure/theme to each playlist I publish.

The theme this week? Songs that don't make me want to jump off a bridge! The kind of playlist you put on pre-shower and dance around your bathroom to. 

I have been loving Wolf Alice and Modern Baseball lately. I feel as though their lyrics describe my life currently, and their songs are the kind you can look back on with nostalgia of those angsty teenage years.. the joy.


Speaking of tradition, it's about time this post got sentimental. I truly want to thank those of you who still read this blog, even though I've been so inconsistent for the past year. Hoping you're all doing okay and are not as stressed as I am with A levels! :(

Saturday, 4 June 2016

back again???

I think it's time to return to the blog.
Over the past few years, in between documenting my strangest thoughts to strangers on the internet, I have thought endlessly about what this blog should be. If you revisit my previous entries, it's apparent that I was desperately trying to fit into a category unsuccessfully, yet after months of absence and a lack of care for audience growth, I think I now know what I want to write about. And that is everything.. and nothing.  

To elaborate.. my life is strange right now. Everything is on the verge of changing yet it's currently in a weird state where I have grown so tired of routine and I am desperate for something different. I need to stop taking my blog so seriously that it stresses me out, because these long breaks are preventing me from documenting my teenage years, something that was so important to me when i began blogging.

I've spent a lot of time feeling slightly indifferent towards the world of blogging, but as of today I finally feel like I've decided what I want my blog to be. For years I've envied HD photos and well organised reviews, before realising I don't want that kind of content on my blog. Although those posts are beautiful and impressive, I tend to favour a more 'candid' vibe as that is what reflects my actual life. I love the grainy photos, weird playlists and un edited paragraphs because they completely represent my existence and what I was thinking as a 14/15/16 and now 17 year old. So this is life lately.

It's currently almost 2am so this entire post is probably not even worth reading, but to be honest, blogging currently feels like a party that everybody else has left. I am aware that millions of people still publish their thoughts to blogger each day, but they are not the people who were there three years ago. It feels like the majority of the other #tbloggers (are you cringing at the memory????) have since moved on, making this feel like a childish habit I'm the last to quit.

Maybe we're all just too busy now.

While I contemplate if this return will in fact be permanent, you should listen to this song.

Tuesday, 29 March 2016

its the falling in love

I am sorry for neglecting my blog!!!!!!!!!!! I promise I will return asap
Here is a lil playlist of love songs for u all so u know even in my absence I still care 

I love love songs. Lyrics I can't even relate to but somehow still have the power to make me feel all warm and happy inside... Thanks Stevie Wonder xxx
Currently I am on the verge of breaking down with the stress of A levels so my blog is being neglected ONCE AGAIN, but I hope these songs make you smile in my absence.

And please excuse the laziness of this post, the amount of work I have to do right now is unreal but I do have things to post as soon as I finish them.